Choosing a dildo

A dildo is the simplest toy in the shop and the one people most often buy wrong, because the number on the box is the total length and the part that matters is what actually goes in. Once you know which figures to read, the rest is preference.

Size, honestly

Read the insertable length, not the total length. The base, the balls and the suction cup are all in the headline figure and none of them go anywhere.

For most people, twelve to fifteen centimetres insertable is plenty, and the average vagina is shorter than the internet suggests. Depth also changes with arousal, so a toy that feels long at the start can be comfortable twenty minutes later.

Girth is felt more than length. A centimetre more diameter changes the experience far more than three centimetres more length, and it is where people most often overestimate.

If you are not sure, take the smaller one. A toy that is slightly too small still gets used; one that is too big sits in the drawer.

Shape

Realistic dildos have a defined head, veins and often a set of balls at the base. The ridge under the head is what gives the sensation on the way out, and it is the reason realistic shapes feel like more than a smooth cylinder.

A curved tip is aimed at the front wall, where the G spot sits about five centimetres in. If that is what you are after, the curve matters more than anything else on the toy.

Fantasy dildos trade realism for texture: ridges, knots, tapers and shapes that no body has. They are not only novelty; a strong taper lets you work up to a girth you could not take straight away.

Squirting models hold liquid in a reservoir and release it on command, which is a specific thing people either want very much or not at all.

A slim, tapered shape with a flared base is the one to read anal play for beginners about first, because anal use has one rule that does not bend: a flared base, always.

Firmness

Firmness decides how a size feels. A soft dildo of four centimetres across is easier to take than a rigid one of three and a half, because it gives where the body pushes back.

Dual density means a firm core inside a soft outer layer. It is the closest thing to the feel of a real erection and it is worth the extra money if realism is the point.

A fully rigid toy in glass or steel transmits pressure exactly where it is aimed, which is what makes them good for G spot and prostate work and unforgiving everywhere else.

Material

Silicone is the default for good reason: non-porous, boilable, soft and available in every shape. It cannot be used with silicone lubricant, which is the only real restriction.

Glass and metal are non-porous, completely smooth, and hold temperature. Warm or cool them in a bowl of water before use, not in the freezer or a microwave. Glass made for toys is borosilicate and does not shatter in normal use.

TPE and jelly are soft and cheap and porous, which means they cannot be sterilised and have a limited life. They are fine for one person with a condom and honest expectations. Our guide on body-safe materials sets out the differences properly.

Whatever the material, buy from a shop that names it. A listing that says only soft material is telling you something.

Suction cups and harnesses

A suction cup needs a smooth, non-porous surface: tiles, a mirror, a bath, a sealed floor. It will not hold on grouted tile, textured wood or a painted wall, and it holds better on a clean, slightly damp surface.

A flat base is not automatically harness compatible. Check the base diameter against the O-ring of your harness, and remember that a base with balls usually does not sit flat in a plate.

Strap-on dildos are made for this, with a base sized for standard rings. If you want one toy for both solo and harness use, that is the category to buy from.

Vibrating, thrusting, double

Vibrating dildos put a motor in the shaft. It adds sensation but reduces the firmness in the middle, so a vibrating model of the same size feels slightly softer than a solid one.

Double-ended dildos are for two people or for using at both ends, and the flexible ones are far more usable than the long rigid ones that look impressive in photographs.

XXL sizes exist for people who have already worked up to them, over months, with a lot of lubricant. They are not a starting point and the step before them matters more than the size itself.

Lubricant that matches

Use a water-based lubricant with silicone toys. Silicone lubricant is excellent on glass, steel and skin, and it slowly degrades silicone toys, which is why it stays away from them.

Anything porous absorbs oil and cannot be cleaned afterwards, so keep oil for massage and not for toys.

Use more than you think, and reapply. Almost every uncomfortable session is a lubricant problem rather than a size problem.

Cleaning and storing

Wash silicone, glass and steel with warm water and mild unscented soap, or boil a solid silicone toy without electronics for a few minutes. A vibrating model is splash-proof at best: wipe it, never submerge the controls.

Dry completely and store it away from other soft toys, because different elastomers react with each other and leave sticky marks. A cotton bag or a storage case is enough, and our guide on cleaning and storing covers the rest.

Frequently asked questions