Strap-Ons & Pegging

A strap-on is a harness and a dildo together, worn by one partner to penetrate the other. Pegging is the word for a woman wearing one with a man, and it has gone from a niche to one of the most searched for things couples try. This category is the harness side: the belt, briefs or straps that hold the dildo. Getting the harness right is what makes the difference between a toy that works and one that slides around, and this guide explains how.

Harness types

A strap harness is a set of adjustable straps with a plate or ring at the front, usually in leather, nylon or neoprene; it fits many bodies, holds a heavy dildo, and looks the part. A briefs style harness is underwear with a ring sewn in; it is comfortable, quick to put on and suits lighter dildos. A thigh harness straps a dildo to the leg for positions where the wearer's hips are not the point. Strapless strap-ons have no harness at all: a bulb held inside the wearer with the shaft outside, which needs strong pelvic muscles and a lot of practice.

The ring and the dildo

The dildo is held by an O ring in the harness plate, and the ring must match the dildo's base: too small and the base will not go through, too large and the dildo tilts. Harnesses with swappable rings in several sizes fit more dildos. Vac-U-Lock harnesses use a plug instead of a ring and hold that brand's dildos rock steady. Choose the harness and the dildo together; a flat, wide, firm base of six to eight centimetres fits most rings.

Fit and adjustment

Four adjustment points hold better than two, and a wide back strap or plate stops the harness twisting when thrusting. The plate should sit flat against the pubic bone with the ring just above it; the dildo then points slightly upward, which is the angle that works. Straps that pass under the buttocks keep the front from lifting. Try the harness on with the dildo in it and walk about before the first use.

What the wearer feels

Nothing much from a plain harness except pressure. Harnesses with a pocket behind the plate take a bullet vibrator that both partners feel; double dildos put a bulb inside the wearer. For pegging, a wearer who wants her own stimulation is better served by a vibrating pocket than by a double dildo, which needs the harness to hold two things at once.

Pegging in particular

The receiving partner sets the size, and it should be smaller than expected: a slim, curved dildo of 12 to 15 centimetres insertable with a girth under 12 centimetres is a sensible first. A curve aims at the prostate. Plenty of thick water based lubricant, a slow start, and the wearer moving her hips rather than the whole body. Positions where the receiver controls the depth, on top or on his side, make the first time easier.

Material and care

Leather lasts for years and softens; wipe it, dry it and feed it occasionally, never wash it. Nylon and neoprene go in a mesh bag on a cool cycle. Briefs style harnesses wash like underwear. Take the dildo out and clean it separately; store the two apart.

Frequently asked questions