Condoms and intimate care

Most condom complaints come down to one thing: the wrong width. It is the only measurement that matters and it is the one nobody reads. This guide covers that, the lubricant that goes with it, and the rest of the intimate care shelf.

Size is a width, not a length

A condom is sold by its nominal width, the flat measurement across, usually between 49 and 60 mm. Length is nearly always the same and nearly always enough: a condom is longer than it needs to be on purpose.

Measure the circumference of the erect penis at its thickest point and divide by two, then take the nominal width closest to that number, or one millimetre under for a firmer fit.

Too wide slips, too narrow is uncomfortable and more likely to tear. Both of those get blamed on the brand when they are a sizing problem.

If 53 mm, the standard size, feels tight at the base or leaves a mark, go up. If it moves during use, go down.

Latex, and what to use instead

Latex is the default: thin, strong, stretchy and the cheapest. It is also a genuine allergen for some people, and the reaction can be the partner's rather than the wearer's.

Polyisoprene is the closest alternative: the same stretch and feel without the latex proteins. Polyurethane is thinner, conducts heat better and stretches less, so size matters more.

Lambskin does not protect against infections. It is a contraceptive only, and it is worth knowing that before buying it.

Whatever the material, look for a CE mark and an expiry date on the individual wrapper, not only on the box.

Lubricant and condoms

Oil destroys latex. Not slowly: a latex condom loses strength within a minute of contact with massage oil, body lotion, coconut oil or a lipstick. That includes the oil-based products on this shelf, which are for skin and not for penetration with a condom.

Water-based lubricant works with every condom and every toy, which is why it is the bottle to own if you only own one.

Silicone lubricant is safe with latex and lasts far longer, but it damages silicone toys, so keep them apart.

A drop inside the tip before rolling it on makes a noticeable difference, and lubricant on the outside is what stops the friction that causes tears.

What ruins a condom

Heat and friction. A wallet is the worst place to keep one: body heat and the pressure of sitting wear the material through the wrapper. A bedside drawer is the best place.

Opening the wrapper with teeth or a ring is the second most common cause of a tear. Push the condom to one side and tear the notched edge with your fingers.

Two condoms at once do not double anything, they rub against each other and both fail. One, the right size, is the answer.

Past the expiry date the rubber has hardened whether it looks like it or not.

Delay products, honestly

A delay spray or cream contains a mild local anaesthetic that lowers sensation, so it postpones the point of no return. It does not treat anything and it does not work on everyone.

Apply a small amount, wait the time on the packaging, and wipe off the excess or wear a condom, because whatever is left transfers to your partner and numbs them too, which nobody wants.

Delay rings and thicker condoms do the same job mechanically, with nothing to absorb.

Supplements and stimulants are food supplements, not medicines. If something has changed and it keeps bothering you, a doctor is the right address, not a shelf.

Massage, oils and candles

Massage oils and candles are for skin. A massage candle burns at a low temperature and turns into warm oil, which is the point of it; a normal candle does not and should never be tipped over a body.

Oil on skin is fine, oil with latex is not, so if the evening might go that way keep a water-based lubricant within reach.

Warm the oil in your hands first. Cold oil undoes the first five minutes of any massage.

Washing, and what not to use

Warm water on the outside is enough. The vagina cleans itself and soap inside it disturbs the balance that keeps infections away; the same goes for scented washes and douches used out of habit.

Intimate washes are made pH-neutral for external use, which is the difference from a bar of soap.

Toys are a separate job: warm water and a mild soap or a toy cleaner after every use. Our guide on cleaning and storing goes through it per material.

Batteries, charging and storage

A toy that suddenly feels weak usually has a flat battery rather than a fault. Loose cells, AAA, AA and the little LR41 discs, are the cheapest repair there is.

A rechargeable toy left empty for months loses capacity permanently. Charge it every few months even if you do not use it.

Magnetic charging contacts need to be dry and clean, and a toy that will not take a charge is often just a smear of lubricant on the pins.

Store everything apart in a bag or case, out of the sun, with the silicone not touching other silicone.

Frequently asked questions