Choosing your first vibrator

There are more than a hundred vibrators in this shop and they mostly differ in two ways: where they touch and what kind of vibration they give. Once you have those two answers, the choice shrinks to a handful.

Start with where, not with what

Most people who reach orgasm do so from the clitoris rather than from penetration, so a first vibrator that only goes inside is often the wrong first vibrator.

A clitoral vibrator or a bullet is the smallest, cheapest and most reliable place to start.

If you already know that internal pressure is what works for you, a G-spot vibrator with its curved tip is the right first purchase.

If both, that is what a rabbit is for, though a rabbit only works well if its proportions happen to match your body.

Rumbly or buzzy, the difference that matters

Buzzy vibration is fast and shallow and sits on the surface of the skin. It is what small cheap motors give, and it goes numb quickly.

Rumbly vibration is slower and deeper and carries into the tissue. It is what larger motors give, and it is why wand vibrators have the reputation they have.

As a rule: the bigger the motor, the more rumbly. If a vibrator feels intense for ten seconds and then feels like nothing, that is buzz and numbness, not you.

Air-pulse is a different sensation entirely

Air-pulse vibrators do not vibrate against the clitoris. They pulse air in a small chamber held over it, which feels closer to suction than to vibration.

For many people this is dramatically more effective than anything else, and for some it is too much or simply does nothing. It is the one category where trying is the only way to know.

They work best with a drop of water-based lubricant to seal the chamber against the skin.

What to check before buying

Material. Body-safe silicone or ABS, not unnamed soft plastic.

Power source. Rechargeable via USB is now standard and far better than batteries, both in strength and in cost.

Noise. Quiet matters if you do not live alone. Wands are the loudest; bullets and air-pulse devices are usually the quietest.

Waterproof. Fully waterproof is easier to clean, not only useful in the bath. Splashproof is not the same thing.

Controls. Buttons you can find without looking, and ideally a way to go back a level rather than cycling through twenty patterns.

A travel lock, if it ever goes in a suitcase.

Patterns and power

Twenty patterns sound like value and most people use two of them. Steady intensity is what most bodies respond to; patterns are a novelty that wears off.

What matters instead is the range: a good vibrator starts gently enough to be usable and goes high enough that you never wish for more.

Strength is not the same as loudness, and not the same as motor size in the marketing copy. Reviews are more reliable here than specifications.

Apps and remotes

App and remote controlled vibrators are made for handing over control, which is the point rather than a gimmick.

Over a distance, they depend on the app and on the connection, and that is where the experience usually falls down. Bluetooth in the same room is reliable; the internet in between is less so.

If the appeal is a partner in the same room, a simple remote is more dependable than an app.

Using it well

Add lubricant even for external use. Dry silicone dragging on skin is the most common reason a first vibrator feels unpleasant.

Start on the lowest setting, not the highest. Going in at full power desensitises and takes away the range you have.

Indirect contact, through a fold of skin or slightly to the side, is often better than pressing straight on.

If you go numb, stop for a minute rather than turning it up. Numbness is the nerve endings saturating and it resets quickly.

Frequently asked questions